A grandmother and a mother

84. 14.04.2013

 

Hi Mark, it’s Carol here. How are you?

Me too. Up and down. In floods of tears some moments, but then next minute I’ll remember something about mum and I’m laughing. God I wish she was still here. I miss her so much

Yeah, I know, I wish she was here to sort this out.
How’s the kids?

Same with mine. I went out and showed Chloe  nanna’s star last night. Told her Nana was looking down on her forever now. She asked who all the other stars were. I told her it was other children’s  grandmothers and mothers.  I don’t think she understands properly. She cried, but then asked if Nana was coming round next week.

16 next year. They’re closing the school down in September. There’s another place that she might be able to go to but we don’t know if we’ll get funding for her. Then there’s getting her there.

She seems alright. She had another episode yesterday though. She’s watching The Wizard of Oz at the moment. That DVD must be worn out by now. She always asks to watch it when she’s upset.

I was just wondering if you’ve had anybody saying they’re not coming on Wednesday?
Oh right, that’s a shame, mum really liked her too.  Couldn’t someone pick her up?
Really? A multiple fracture. That’s not good at her age. How old was she 87? Same age as mum?

What? And she spent six hours in a corridor on a stretcher waiting to be seen? The NHS isn’t what it used to be.  Bloody cuts.

Really? It took two hours for the ambulance to arrive? And she was lying on the pavement all that time?  I knew there were cutbacks but that’s disgusting. She’s a mother and a grandmother for crying out loud.

Who’s looking after her then?

Twice a week? Is that all? But she must have paid National Insurance all her life. It’s shameful.
Did you find out about mum’s bank account? The undertakers called earlier, they want an upfront payment.

I know, I know, but we’ve just not got that kind of money. Where are we going to get nearly two grand from? And mum always said that she wanted to be buried next to Dad, but that’s going to be at least £1500

Look don’t shout at me, I don’t want a cremation either.
Yes, I am crying.
hang on, I’ll call you back in a minute

The cremation fees are £560 but they said if we all wait outside and not in the bereavement room it will be cheaper. They also do a cheap rate at 9 in the morning too. I think we’re going to have to think about it Mark.

Look, will you please stop shouting at me, I didn’t want mum to die.

I know you’re upset, I’m sorry. I just wish that she was still here.

Anyway I spoke to the vicar.

Yes, the one with the funny eye.

Yes and the teeth

I’m not sure about that Mark. I’ll look under his cassocks next time

Don’t it’s not nice. I’m sure he doesn’t

Stop it, we really shouldn’t be laughing. Anyway, I spoke to him and he said that if we had a close friend or relative to be the officiant, that would save another £100.

No, I don’t know what an officiant is either. I think it means the person who talks.

Well, I would like to say something, but I don’t think I could. I’d start blabbing.
That would be lovely Mark, mum always said she thought you had a lovely speaking voice. She always said you should’ve been Joseph instead of one of the sheep in the school nativity.

Do you remember that time in Benidorm? When she was in the sea and that wave came up from behind? And the force of it knocked her teeth out?

I know, she didn’t laugh though. And all those Spanish lads trying to find them in the sand.  I’ve never seen dad laugh so much.

Yeah it probably was the last holiday we all had. When did dad die? 2003?

Yeah there was a programme on anthrosilicosis the other night.

No, I don’t think it was dad’s pit, but I remember him talking about miners he got to know during the strike from there. I think some of them came to his funeral.

They were saying that some of them were due compensation but by then all the money had gone and the government refused to help.

I’ve just thought, have you asked any of the miner’s wives? I know mum kept in contact with some of them. What was the name of that family in South Wales? The people we went to stop with for a holiday?

I’ll have a look to see if they’re in her address book.  God if only she was here to do all of this.

I hate phoning people and telling them.  Odd thing is though, I never cry. I just do it.  They must think I’m really heartless. Made of iron or something.

I do hope there’ll be a good turn out. It will be horrible if only a few turn up. Everybody liked mum. Didn’t they?

Do you mean the suit you bought for dad’s funeral? Will it still fit?

Have you had a look in the big Asda? They do cheap ones
But it’s mum’s funeral.

Stop shouting at me. It’s not my fault

Could you not borrow one? From Mike? Or Dave? He’s your size

I didn’t say you were fat. I just said you are Dave’s build

Well I’ve not seen him recently have I, how was I to know that he’d ballooned.

That’s not nice Mark. You know it’s my glands.

That’s OK. I know. We both are.  Please Mark, don’t start crying again.

Yes I love you too. Even though you are a fat porker.

I might have a look down the market, the stall on the corner has nice things. Some of them are M&S seconds. I’ll need a bag too. I might see if one of mums would match. Mum would like that. Waste not want not.

Yeah, I’ve thought about flowers too. Mum loved flowers. Not the ones that common people have with names and things, mum said they were naff. Just chrysanths and those other ones, the white ones with the yellow stuff that comes off on your clothes

Are they lilies? Right

But they’re dead expensive. Mum really liked flowers. I popped into the florists in the precinct. They cost a fortune. The woman was really nice and everything and understood though. But the flowers are Dutch which is why they’re expensive. You can’t get British flowers anymore.

I can’t help it Mark, it just makes me so sad. She’d be so upset if there were no flowers.

Could we ask uncle Billy if he could help out? Do you think he would? The thing is, I’ve not spoken to him since Auntie Muriel died.

Would you? Thanks Mark. You always got on with him better than I did. 

Oh him! Yes I know who you mean, and he asked how Dennis was? Did he not know dad died? I’m sure he must’ve known. No he did know. He was at the funeral.
it could be Alzheimer's I suppose.

Yes I did actually, the man at the council was really understanding and everything but said that the house needs to be emptied by the end of the month. That’s two weeks away.  What are we going to do with all the stuff Mark? I wish mum and dad were still here to do all of this.

I’m not really bothered. I’d like the drawers in my old room and mum’s music box and that necklace she had that looked like a ginger biscuit. Oh, and the wooden chair in the dining room – are you alright about that?  

Do you mean the tumblers from the Green Shield stamps? The posh ones?
I’m sure it was green shield stamps. Were they not from the Shell garage?
Do you remember when we used to go to the petrol station with dad so that we could get a stick of that licorice that looked like cricket bats  and eat it before mum found out?

I spoke to Wendy, she said we could use the function room for free but we have to be out by 1 because it’s booked for a civil partnership thing. I told her we’d do our own food.  I’ve got a load of sausage rolls and party nibbles from Iceland. Wendy said we could warm them up in the microwave to take the chill off them. I’ll get some wafer thin ham and do some sandwiches without crusts. I was thinking about getting some fruit cake or something. Aldi do a good one. Mum always said that you had to have fruit cake at a funeral. I’ll take it out of the wrapper at home so people can’t see it’s Aldi.  Do you think people would think it’s funny if they have to pay for their own drinks?
Oh I phoned Doreen too.

You must remember Doreen.  Mrs Dawson. The art teacher. Fanny – Fanny Brush. The one who was sacked for talking about famous gay painters. Anyhow when I phoned, she asked me how Margaret was. I told her that I was phoning to tell her about mum and she was really shocked. She says she would have loved to have come, but she’s been housebound for 8 years now following the stroke. She sounded really frail.

I was just thinking, we could always scatter mum’s ashes on dad’s grave. Plant some daffodils or something. She liked daffodils. Always said they made her feel cheerful. And then when there’s a bit of money, get her name put on the stone.

I do hope people will come. It will be awful if nobody turns up. She was such a lovely person Mark.

No, I’ve not seen the news. Why?

 

Margaret Thatcher! dead?

When?

Last week! Really. I must have missed it on TV.  When’s her funeral?

Wednesday?   That’s the same day as mum’s

£10 million?
Mark, stop shouting at me, it’s not my fault. I don’t need to be shouted at at the moment

Yes. I am crying.
How are we going to afford it Mark?