143. 11.06.2012 The court case.
“Would you like to see what I’ve got in my hand? It’s long and thin, has a red head and is rather hairy”
Such innocent words, but ones I shall never use again. In the wrong context that is. In the event the Judge acquitted me on grounds of diminished despondency but the whole thing left me a shadow of the former man I never was.
I would like to say that the legal aid I received was second to none, but it was. In the past I have always approached my solicitors (usually from behind) Plunge, Shafte and Rodd but neither Plunge senior nor Shafte junior were willing to take me on and Ivor Rodd didn’t feel that his experience was long enough and would be, as it was, out of his depth.
Luckily a lesbian friend was able to recommend other solicitors - Flange, Frump and Flume. I didn’t want either Flange or Frump representing me on account of it being difficult to tell which was which on account of the matching dungarees, tattoos and abrupt haircuts but as it happened they were working on a high profile case involving batteries that either were or weren’t included. So Barbra (Babs) Flume represented me in court. I remember looking at the size of her hands and thinking that with fists the size of boiled ham shanks she would certainly have no issues persuading a jury to come down on my side.
Babs suggested that I try to win the sympathy of the jury by feigning a terminal cold, but despite my constant coughing and spluttering and blowing holes in a Kleenex Mansize, the prosecution saw right through it and said it was a tissue of lies.
In the event though as I mentioned above, Justice Prune threw my case out of the window – which was quite dangerous and could’ve hurt somebody. All was well though until I asked for several other cases to be taken into account including the bauble incident in the Christmas department of Debenhams and another incident at the Easter Market that also lead to some confusion, although I still maintain that in the latter case, the rabbit was rampant and was going like the clappers.
Anyhow, today’s picture is a caterpillar that is long and thin with a red head and rather hairy. I won’t even suggest what it will turn into, perhaps a blue butterfly that isn’t a holly blue, but who knows?
No comments:
Post a Comment