115. 05.05.2012 The first cuckoo

115. 05.05.2012 The first cuckoo

Sitting by the shores of Llyn Bodgynydd with a cheesy bap in one hand and fingering a bag of Ready salted with the other (173 calories, suitable for vegetarians and a good source of vitamin C & D) with   not another human in sight – and yes, John was with me.
Silence save for the breeze tickling the birch and larch trees and then a  sound that heralds the real spring  resounded across the trees and water.  The first cuckoo.

It’s May.

The weather might not know it.

The cuckoo does.   

Half an hour earlier we were sheltering from hailstones not quite the size of fabled golf balls, in fact they were hardly noteworthy of anything, but not nice to be caught by the unawares.  I was once caught by my unawares and believe you me, it was not particularly pleasurable but that’s something that’s been discussed at length elsewhere.

In the avian world, cuckoos are not held with great esteem. They are crap parents.  If birds had their own television channel, they would be the ones to appear on Jeremy Kyle. Their offspring would be called  Linzi-Dorn [sic]  and Keanu [not sic, just stupid].  They get knocked up once a year, leave their ill behaved kids with a neighbour whilst they flit back and forth to the talon and nail salon or go on foreign holidays without a thought for their little ones.

One well reported case a couple of years ago was that of an unfit mother who flew off to sunnier climes to top up her tan leaving little Kylie at home alone. She was arrested at the airport, somewhat worse for wear, but claimed that she’d left Kylie with a tin opener, a couple of tins of beans  plus  the Sky remote control  so couldn’t really see what the problem was.

Anyhow the cuckoo, when not forced to perform in clocks, traditionally only  sings between  St Tiburtius Day (April 14^th) and St John’s day (24^th June)

The first time you hear the cuckoo sing, you are supposed to turn over all the coins in your pocket, spit and not look at the ground. If you are standing on soft ground you will have good luck for the rest of the year, but if the ground is hard the outlook is bleak. I was sitting on  my pac-a-mac cagoule. Not sure if that bodes well or not. But at least it wasn’t the medicinal rubber ring.