Sunday, 20 May 2012

127. 19.05.2012 Who turned off the Gulf stream?

127.  19.05.2012 Who turned off the Gulf stream?
The doom and gloom continues. It’s getting ridiculous now.  Grey, dark, cold and miserable. Is there no end to it?  April has been and gone,  as has the lion’s share of May and it’s still no warmer than February on a mild day. In four weeks time the nights will be drawing in again and common people will be putting up their Christmas trees.
Midday today and it was 11 centigrade. For those of you of a certain age, 11 centigrade is the temperature that causes your arthritis and rheumatism to flare up, your joints to ache and the dry skin on the back of your hands to flake and crack.  It’s also the temperature of your gin and tonic.
Today on the edge of the beach it was so cold and dark that the daisies didn’t even bother opening.  They just crouched and huddled between the pebbles.  It was so cold that the dog turds were like lumps of treacle toffee. How do I know this? Because I knelt in one whilst taking this bloody picture.
There was snow last week, but not as much as there was on 17th May 1935 when the people of Yorkshire celebrating King George’s silver jubilee woke up to 2 ft of snow. God help us all if the weather does that on a Silver jubilee, what’s it going to do on a Diamond Jubliee?
According to the statistics the mean average coldest  daily temperatue on may 19th is  6.93 degrees, the mean average warmest daily temperature is 15.73 – that’s the average temperature over the 24 hours on this day since records began. Whenever that might be.
Just out of interest the warmest temperature ever recorded on this day was in 1948 at Glenbranter in Scotland with a pavement cracking 28.3 degrees and the coldest recorded temperature was just a few miles up the road at Stornvar in 1903 when it was a nipple stiffening -8.7.
And how do I know this? Well I’ve got a book called the Wrong kind of Snow. It’s one of my lavatory books and is filled with all sorts of trivial information that help pass the countless hours I used to spend in there  prior to the successful All Bran challenge and roughage rich health regime.
British weather, is, or so it says in the foreward, some of the most exciting in the world. To be brutally frank, I beg to differ. But there again meteorologists in corduroy jackets with elbow patches would say that, but the next time one of them doing the weather on TV cheerfully comes out with the cliché “coldest since records began” my foot is going straight through the plasma screen. I’ll teach them.
Today’s picture by the way taken on Craig-y-Don beach. Just out of focus in the background are a number of ice bergettes on their way down from the even colder seas in the North, and  now that the Gulf Stream is about to stop (it’s called climate change, not global warming, climate change) , it looks like we’ll be seeing more and more of them and less and less blue thighed Brits in the sea so I suppose there is a cloud to every silver lining – or whatever the saying is.

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