126. 18.05.2012 nasty gash

126. 18.05.2012 nasty gash

Welsh slate, as we all know, roofed the Empire on account of it being tolerant of extreme wet and cold and scorching heat.  From  the slave barracks of the paradise islands of the Caribbean to the convict holding  centres  of Australia  to the prisons in Victoria's jewel of the crown, slate was blasted mined and quarried  from the top left hand corner of Wales and transported around the world. It was fundamental in building the biggest empire the world has ever seen. At one point the British were imposing cricket, their warped Caucasian superior  morals and questionable high standards on a quarter of the world's population. No mean feat and something the Reagan and Bush administrations were only ever able to dream of achieving.

It also kept and keeps out the water in many a town and city across Europe and closer to home the back to backs and slums of our cities in which the underdogs, workers and scum were crammed in the six hours in the  day that they weren’t down t'pits, up t'mill or down  ont’ farm  maintaining the nouveau Lords of the Manor's extravagant  lifestyles.

The Welshmen (and the Irish immigrants) who quarried the slate weren’t much better off either.  The arrogant quarry owners, always English by the way, were prepared to see their minions starve to death rather than grant them any form of basic human rights. The lord of Penrhyn Castle perhaps being the worst of the lot of them. (google the Penrhyn  lockouts for one of the many truly appalling social chapter in our island’s history.)

These days the quarries are as good as silent and with the exception of the odd garden ornament, driveway chippings, coasters, placemats  or heart shaped souvenirs  from Wales not much is produced (with notable exceptions of the Welsh Assembly buildings at Llandudno Junction or the cafe at the top of Snowdon). Concrete roof tiles are cheaper and where slate is still used, for example on the un- vernacular  carbon copied clones of those  out of town Morrisons or Tescos , most of it comes from South America as its actually cheaper to quarry and ship it here than it is to produce it here.

When we looked into a slate floor, Brazilian slate was a third of the price of the stuff lying about just a few miles up the road. Anything with the tag ‘Brazilian’ whether it be covered in chocolate or a shaped bush fills me with horror.

In fact Penrhyn quarry is currently struggling and faces closure as it can't compete. Another example of the inability of this  Empireless island and in particular the resource rich corner of Wales to exploit her riches.

One of the bi-products of the Welsh slate trade was that the gashes (and I type  that word with a look of distain on my face) and holes in the hills have  been used for crappy sci-fi series. Just like all planets in Star Trek look like arid bits of Arizona, most British sci-fi episodes look like slate quarries. Hardly an episode of Dr Who between 1970 and 1985 wasn't filmed here and to this day strands of Tom Baker's scarf or one of John Pertwee's frills can be spotted  by the eagle eye observant. It was only the episodes with daleks in that weren’t filmed here. Daleks don't like roughly blasted surfaces you see. They much prefer smooth studio floors like the Blue Peter studio.  Meanwhile Blake and his seven visited a never ending number of planets with a hint of an abandoned Welsh quarry about them and not even the red or yellow filters on the camera made them look remotely alien.

But still they come. Scenes in  The Clash of the Titans and the dreadful Lana Croft franchises also have the look of a damp quarry on a Tuesday look about them.

This is the quarry at Llanberris, no longer worked and nature is slowly taking over again although it might be a good few years, possibly even more before the terraces and levels are smoothed down.

The water of Llyn Peris in front of Dinorwic quarry  really is this colour and when the sun shines  it does actually look like  Avon,Villa or Cally might be crouched behind a rock firing a superimposed phaser gun at a member of the Federation.

Right, the 15:50 USS Arrivaprise  is about to trundle in to Colwyn Bay and there are cling ons on everywhere. Damn this All Bran challenge. Beam me up Scotty.